Random Posts!!!
.Thursday, March 08, 2007 .11:58 AM .
DAPHNE CASSANDRA NG
oh my i realised i haven been blogging for a long long long long long time.......Life have been quite sad, scary, stressful and a bit happy here and there for me this two week. It all started on Sunday during the fund raising. During the fund raising i was so tempted to walk up to people and ask for love offering and to promote on the upcoming eXcess eXhaustified 2007.I was got this strong feeling of like " Hey daphne why not you go and evangelise yourself to people?" Indeed i followed my feelings and when i was walking to the back of church i saw a family coming down from a car so i decided to walk up to them and i was hoping like i wont get rejected by them as i walked up to a family they willingly gave me something and they didn't expect something in return. After that i became adventurous and decide to ask more people and in the end i manage to approach 4 people. On that night i went home and started to think why suddenly i have so much of courage to walk up and approach people myself and to evangelise to them, i know for myself that i am a person who is not daring and is shy when i am asked to talk to people but that Sunday was an exceptional day for me. I felt so happy after that being able to overcome my fear. I thank God for letting me overcome my weakness :)
Then Tuesday was excess weekly h2o meeting. This Tuesday session was a special session where we had deep worship for 2 solid hours. I was the second person to be send to the room and nick ask me to find a spot for myself, I decide to take somewhere at the back because I feel that its the best spot for me to focus more. When I first went into the room I could really pray and really worship when the session started…until the time when the door started to shake (like someone is being trapped outside). I felt so disturbed at that point of time , I could not concentrate. I tried very hard to calm myself down but it was quite difficult until about 15 minutes or so. After which Nick and Edward Chia walked up to me and prayed over me, after that I slowly could go back to the prayful mood. After a while I could hear voices, one voice was louder than the other. One voice asked me to walked up to 3 people Celesther, Joanna and Eugene and I was asked to pray with them. The voice was saying "you are my only beloved child I am sending you to everyone whom I send you to pray to and pray together with them they need you." Then another voice which is louder told me "Do not walk to them if you walk to them you are disobeying me." i felt so lost at that time and I could feel a barrier is blocking me and I cant break through it, I could feel that there is 2 people talking to me but I don't know which to follow I was very confused. Celesther was just standing beside me and I just could not walk up to her. I felt so uneasy and have this regretful feeling not to walk up to those people that I was called to the whole night. I talked to Celestine at about 1 plus and we were both sharing about how we feel and she told me that Celesther was quite upset that she was the last to be prayed over, I felt so guilty when she told me that Celesther was feeling that because I know that I have fallen into the evil temptation. I kept questioning myself " How can I fall into the evil temptation and not listening to God?" On that night I had a hard time getting to sleep when it was already 4 plus in the morning. At 4 am I decide to do my QT and I could hear someone drilling, hammering and knocking at my house upstairs, but I realize there is no one staying upstairs and the fear within me got bad. I decide to sms Joanna even though I know she was asleep.
Yesterday night i did my QT at 1030pm, i usually don't do my QT that early i usually do it at past midnight. I got a bible passage from God which is JEREMIAH 1:4-8. As i was reading it i realised that it was exactly what God wanted me to do yeaterday during the session and what he was trying to tell me on tue. I still feel regretful and this uneasy feeling not following what God commanded me to do during the session.
